07.22.08
So I’ve become a IMDB-Netflix reviewer
I’m a huge movie fanatic. I can sit there all day, watch movies and vegetate. OK, I do have to go outside and exercise, work, go to class, etc. Any case, movies are my second love. As a kid I only watched cartoon and children’s movies. When I was a pre-teen, I refused to see anything that wasn’t action. A movie had to feature “Ahnold”, Sylvester Stallone, Steven Seagal, Bruce Willis, Van Damme or Chuck Norris (him too) for me to watch it. Some B movies with lesser known actors were pretty good, like “Never Surrender Never Retreat” (I wonder what ever happened to Loren Avedon?). Eventually I found some stuff odd. Van Damme started showing his ass 24/7, I realized that Stallone talked like a dumb-ass, Arnold could take on a whole army and come out unscathed (funny, the villain in “Commando” dressed like he was into bondage and S&M and resembled Freddie Mercury).
During the mid 90s, I became a fan of dramas. I considered oscars as a measure of film quality. If a film has 8 nominations, it MUST be incredible. Then I saw how political the whole process was, more like a popularity contest. Julia Roberts beat Ellen Burstyn for lead actress in 2000? Gwyneth Paltrow has an Oscar, but Judi Dench doesn’t? “Ordinary People”, better than “Raging Bull”? Stanley Kubrick never won? The Academy has a preference for epics and dramas over noirs, thrillers or anything too challenging to the viewer. It’s similar to voting for the nicest politician, not the most capable one (oh shit, perfect metaphor!).
Later, I got into film festivals like Cannes, Sundance, Toronto, Berlin, San Sebastian, Venice and Stockholm. Many people say that Sundance has become commercialized. Robert Redford was constipated over Britney Spear’s presence at the festival, circa 2000. Spears, ever so eloquently, said she liked the movies, but she had to think to understand them, a difficult task for her. While film festivals have quality films, after viewing several winners, I think the voters tend to prefer the odder film as opposed to the best one. European cinema can certainly produce gems, but I don’t think that Lars Von Trier’s ouvre qualifies. “The 400 Blows” didn’t impress me either (”Breathless ” was much better).
During my Oscar period, I was in Blockbuster renting movies 24/7. With their plan, rents were half price on Mondays. Then I found NetFlix, which sends you films in the mail. They don’t have late fees, which is perfect for me. NetFlix is good for folks who prefer American independent films, documentaries, foreign films and maverick directors. I’ve seen some pretty good films that never received much press. Right now, my NetFlix queue has 488 films. I’ll finish the list in 2010 probably, by then, I might have added more movies.
Around 2005, I found the International Movie Database website. This site has information on films, actors, directors, producers, trivia, quotes, biographies, message boards, everything a film buff can wish for. After a while I became an expert in useless movie trivia; I knew all the quotes from ”The Godfather”, which director hated which actor and the hidden themes in “Point Break’. Mind you, I went to a movie trivia qualification event for “Who Wants to be a Millionaire?” and I failed most of the 25 questions. One of them asked me to name the star of “Bye Bye Birdie”. The fuck I know, I’m only 27.
I decided to parlay my writing abilities into film criticism. You can post your movie reviews on the IMDB website and NetFlix.com. I hate that shit when a movie comes out and you see the commercials saying things like, ’Riveting’ according to the Kansas City Register, “It had me on the edge of my seat” according to Newsweek. Then you go see the movie and it’s utter crap. You feel like asking for your money back (truth is I only go to the theater if I’m on a date). So I’m writing reviews and trying to give brutally honest opinions. While not everyone has the same taste, I’ll try to be as objective as possible. I’ve written reviews for “Amelie” (loved it), “Empire” (stupid), “The Ice Storm” (overrated) and “Panic in Needle Park” (good but unknown). By the end of the month, I’ll probably have 100 reviews and a new hobby. Maybe then the Miami New Times can offer me a paying gig.
