06.25.09

Man shall know to differentiate thy good woman from evil woman

Posted in at 9:13 pm by Administrator

Catholic priest Alberto Cutie is a well-known, admired and respected figure among the South Florida Catholic community. He used to have his own TV and radio program, besides to being invited to any big local event that was PG rated (I doubt he got invited to the Video Music Awards when they were held in Miami). Despite being a priest, Cutie or Padre Alberto as he called on the Spanish language media, had a large amount of female admirers. Plenty of women enjoyed sticking out their tongues to receive a holy wafer from the holier than thou man.

Well, it turns out that Father Cutie (pronounced Koo-tee-ay), was caught frolicking on the sands of Miami Beach with the horror of horrors, a woman! This caused much distress to church elders and confirmed that Father Cutie was an ass man. A few days later, after the media had had a field day, Father Cutie admitted that he had a girlfriend and ocassionally they made whoopi. This means that Father Cutie was not a virgin and had popped his cork along the way. Good for him cuz celibacy sucks. He subsequently left the priesthood and became an Episcopalian reverend.

Rumors have started to surface that Ruhama Canellis, his formerly secret girlfriend, has a few skeletons in her closets. First, Canellis is divorced and has a 15 year old son (poor kid, people will harrass him with ”yo mama sucked the priest’s dick”); then it turns out she might be a masseusse. An ex-lover has surfaced saying that Canellis used him and wants him deported (poor dude is undocumented). Some folks even say that she leaked her and Cutie’s whereabouts the day of the beach orgy,.. er, I mean dalliance, in exchange for some cash. Likewise, Father Cutie might be loaded, after all he has a radio program, TV show and no wife and kids to spend his dough on.

But the questions remains: how would Father Cutie know if the woman he’s dating is a saint or Satan’s little helper? The poor guy can’t at all. He’s not a sailor. He’s never paid for punani. He wouldn’t know the difference between Jenna Jameson and Mother Theresa. He wouldn’t notice if a woman is dating him only for his wealth and fame (as odd as that might seem in his case). Since priests are supposed to remain celibate (but somehow give advice to married folks), they don’t get to date. They don’t learn about picking up woman in the seminary. Hence, they have a different conception of male-female relationships. Regular guys with some experience can tell when a girl is a slut (likewise, girls can tell when a guy is a man-whore). Regular folks also don’t always marry their first love nor the person with whom they first had sex (regardless of whether it the hot wild type). Those who do, usually end up divorced after three years. In my opinion, everyone should go out there, date a lot, kiss a few folks, lick some punani, do it doggie-style, side-ways, upside-down, master the art of blow job, mix in a few nasty fluids (if that’s your thing), before getting marriage. In the end, let’s wish luck to Father Cutie. Rumors, after all, might be fake. And his new bride isn’t bad-looking either. Just make sure to sign a pre-nup.

There’s Father Cutie, his lover,..er I mean wife and 2 geezers from the Episcopalian Church. Nice hat.

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