06.03.09

An Open Letter to all Spammers

Posted in , Editorial at 3:26 am by Administrator

Everytime I check my comments inbox, I notice that my spam folder is full. The majority of the spam I have, consists of ads from companies promoting and selling products such as Viagra, Cialis, Lexipro, Prozac, Zoloft, Methadone and other medications. I probably get like 10 of these messages a day.

While I appreciate the fact that these businesses see me as a valuable customer I must express my thoughts. First of all, I’m only 28, I exercise constantly and I don’t do heroin. I won’t need viagra anytime soon. I’m thankful that you guys worry about the quality and longevity of my sex life, but I’m not one of of your target demographics such as old South Florida geezers. In regards to penis enlargement companies, I am happy with my size and I don’t intend to start a career in porn. Ron Jeremy can keep ‘em all. Likewise, I am irked by the thought that some guys actually have their dicks sliced open and have stuff inserted in there to make it larger (ouch!). If I ever know of some poor bastard who suffers from micropenis, I’ll send him your way.

To the breast augmentation folks, remember, I’m a guy. Yes, there are men who get pectoral implants, they’re called body-builders. I’m not one of those. If I want my pectorals to look nicer, I’ll work out more at the gym. In regards to diet medications and miracle weight-loss pills, I am not overweight. I’ll redirect all my 500 lb friends to your site and you guys can send me a check later.

Last but not least, to the Prozac, Lexipro and Zoloft salespeople: I’m not crazy. I don’t suffer from paranoia, deliriousness, suicidal thoughts, amnesia nor am I obsessive-compulsive. If you had a medication for stress, I’d gladly ask a doctor to prescribe it for me. If possible, you should design a medication for idiocy, which severely affects millions of my fellow Americans.

Oh, and please, do not send me ads for Russian mail order brides. I’m broke.

 

05.29.09

Website revamping

Posted in , Editorial at 5:44 am by Administrator

Now that my classes are over for the summer and I’m longer a slave, I can dedicate more time to my research, my training and the blog. My slavery, er…I mean, my classes had kept me quite busy, to the point that I could only post once each two months or so.

After talking and consulting with several South Florida bloggers, I realize that I should post more often in order to keep a steady stream of visitors. My future posts will be short and to the point. If necessary, I’ll write continuations if the stories are long and/or interesting. My older posts were too long. Some could have been divided in part 1 and part 2. I also plan to add photos to old and future posts. Some pictures will be taken by myself, others will be stolen off the internet. Visuals will give the blog a livelier feel. I’ve posted some pictures to go with the Komodo Dragon article.

In other news, I found an excellent olympic size pool to train for the swimming portion of the tri-athlons I’m hoping to participate in. I tried using the Tamiami Pool, but swimming lessons for kids are held their during the day, so the pool reeks of piss. Dam fucking little kids. Swimming in the ocean was difficult since the tides are high and constantly turn you over. Also, I get the sensation that a shark might appear out of nowhere.

I was swamped with finals in April, so I missed the Nautica South Beach, and a chance to stalk/cop a feel on Anna Kournikova (there’s always next year. Well actually, I think Anna’s overrated. There’s hotter women on FIU campus). I also missed a tri-athlon held May 3rd in Key Biscayne. Hopefully, I’ll be able to compete in either late June or July.