11.08.08
Posted in , Love & Relationships at 4:46 am by Administrator
Appearances are very important to all of us. We lie all the time and say “looks are overrated, I care about personality”, but it’s hogwash. Once I went on a blind date with a girl who said online that looks were overrated. Guess what. She turned out to be short, round, hairy and a wanna-be dominatrix. Sorry sweetie, if you look like Angelina Jolie, maybe I’ll play tie me up games with you, but not when you’re butt ugly. The same goes for women. When was the last time you saw a 5′2″, bald, chubby guy with glasses getting laid by the ton? Unless he’s Donald Trump (bald ugly fuck), he ain’t getting any.
We all want to improve our looks and image. Why do women spend hours applying make-up and fixing their hair? It’s not to look nice for their female friends, that I can tell you. Why do guys spend so much time in the gym? Or try to get the flashiest car possible? In order to attract the opposite sex. That’s why guys do a LOT of things, like becoming musicians, writing poetry, working out, being a club promoter, telling people you’re a doctor, etc (whole industries are dedicated to studying this phenomenon).
There are a myriad of ways we can improve our looks; natural ways like exercising and dieting; then there are drastic measures like surgery. Have you ever noticed that women receive less bullshit about improving their looks and are generally expected to do so, while men will be ridiculed if they transgress certain boundaries? I actually don’t condone men who would do something only women would do, I’m just playing the Sociologist here and wondering the “why factor”. Let’s start with height: women wear high heels to look taller and sexier, gaining between 3 and 6 inches. If a man wears boots or shoes with extra soles to gain inches and his attempts look obvious, he’ll be laughed at. Only Tom Cruise got away with this. It’s a good thing that at 5′10″, atleast I’m in an OK height range.
Women get nose jobs, cheek implants, chin touch-ups and wear contact lenses because sometimes blue eyes can look so cool. If a guy does any of those, he’ll be considered gay or metrosexual. Oddly enough, certain facial features, like a big nose, might even be seen as more masculine (and we do want to look masculine,, hence, the gym). Same goes for hair. Guys simply cut it short or use hair gel. Only David Beckham gets away with competing with his wife to see who has more fashionable hair. If you ask me, I’d prefer to be Ronaldinho with his large teeth, over pretty boy Beckham anyday.
Plenty of women get fake breast jobs, and it is socially acceptable. Women will talk about how great and confident they feel with their new boobs. Pamela Anderson and Jennifer Lopez have made careers out of their abnormally large boobs and ass. A man with fake pectoral muscles would be the laughingstock of the gym. The same goes for tummy tucks and liposuction. Personally, I do 400 reps of abs atleast twice of week. Would I give slack to a guy that had something done? Probably….
One operation which is acceptable for men is gastric bypass. The people who undergo this process aren’t lazy couch potatoes. Obesity can be hereditary and is aggravated by other conditions. Time, stress, bills and nagging spouses also play a role. A strong 240 lb former college linebacker can easily develop into a 400 lb slob. If those extra pounds are hurting your self-esteem and threatening your heart, and you can afford the procedure, I say go for it.
Permalink
04.26.08
Posted in , Love & Relationships, Trashy at 5:28 am by Administrator
So there I was, bored one day at work, surfing through the internet instead of completing the excruciatingly boring report I had been assigned. I found this article on msn about www.GoCougar.com. For the uninitiated, a cougar is a term used to describe a woman in her late 30s, 40 or even 50s, who likes to date and bang younger men….like me.
This site helps these ladies, also called MILFs in popular jargon, hook up with horny young men who are tired of girls in their 20s who don’t stop whining, think they deserve George Clooney and think you are so just not up to their standards. And which young man hasn’t at one moment wanted to fuck his hot 10th grade biology teacher. Diamond Dave couldn’t have said it better…Well I went to GoCougar, made a profile and after two weeks, zero, nada, finito. And I posted a decent picture and I didn’t mentioned I lived with my parents. Well I pay most of the rent, so they live with me.
Back in 2005, I found myself friendless. Most of my best buddies left town, and like a stranger in a new city, I had no one to hang out with. So what did I do, my brothers (a nod to Burgess)? I went on www.match.com , made an awesome profile and searched for viable females in the 18-25 age range. I sent messages to at least 50 different women. And NO, I didn’t go for the super hot ones with pictures of themselves partiyng in Crobar or Opium. I went for the ones that seemed like nice, girl next door types. The ones whose profiles said they liked reading, the arts, being productive and didn’t aspire to be a model (no wannabe actresses, this isn’t LA. Thank God). Well how many responses did I get? Only 2. One of them looked like a rocker chick with glasses which I’m cool with. She said she liked skinny-dipping, yay. I wrote back wanting to chat. She never responded. Bummer.
Th other chick was a cute Hispanic girl who went to FIU North campus and studied criminal justice (I thought only former juvenile delinquents studied that). A few messages back and forth, I finally got her digits. I was in heaven. One call, no answer. Two calls, no answer. Leave a message. Three calls, nothing. And I didn’t call 5 times in a night. I know that’s a no-no and will make the girl think you’re a psycho. I waited fucking 6 days between calls. Wasn’t that the rule? Oh well. Fucking bitch.
Don’t get me started on Craigslist. I’m tired of answering personals and then getting a message from a Heather, they always got names like that, telling me she thinks I’m cool and wants to chat, but doesn’t tell me her MySpace or FaceBook url. Instead she sends me some link and when you click it, it’s a porn site, a webcam girl or Singles.net, another piece of shit website. Word of advice: check several of those postings and you will notice they all have similar wording but different pictures of girls. Also, if the girl is a hottie, honestly, would she need to go on a website to meet guys?
In one particular case, the ad on Craigslist seemed real and she wrote back. I MySpaced her and she was authentic, a nice Ecuadorian girl with curly hair, no baggage. Short but curvy. After chatting and some phone calls, she just never answered back. I think these women have several guys they talk to on the side. I might be number 4 or 5, or worse 23. and if I’m the most decent one, that’s where I get a date. And then let’s hope she is not 63, or 6′3″, or Dracula’s twin sister or a tranny or worse. Well, I don’t think there is anything worse than your blind date turning out to be a tranny.
Permalink
03.29.08
Posted in , Love & Relationships at 5:01 pm by Administrator
Javier and I have been good buddies since 1999. We met at this lousy factory where they made gold colored plastered mirrors (some shit like that) and sold them for high prices, but our salary was like $5.25. Anyway, we used to hang out 24/7. And while I had incredible difficulties with the daughters of Venus, Javier was a total ladies man. Well, up to a point. Initially, he was succesful at picking up over-weight girls. Later he started scoring thinner hotties. But he didn’t use the stereotypical latin lover approach, popularized so much by the media. He used the I’m a scruffy looking wanna be intellectual but I can dance approach to great success. Then one day, he met this older woman in her 30s, some para-legal with a small daughter who smoked a lot of weed. She like totally dominated him, I don’t know how. Well, he finally dumped her.
In 2005, he moved up to Tallahassee to go to Florida State University and just recently he moved back. But he’s not staying at his family’s place, he’s living with his girlfriend’s family, and they seem to be a nice tight-knit Cuban family (how they allowed him in there, I have no idea). Well, that means no more fun for Javier. No more bar hopping, clubbing, flirting with strange woman in dark dingy corners, talking bullshit at Churchill’s while checking out the hotties. No more walking around South Beach, completely wasted. Now it’s like, they keep him on a leash. And the worst is that now I’m mildly succesful with with women, which means that together, we could wreak havoc on the city. I’ll have to recruit new followers. Form some secret society.
Permalink
