08.11.09
Posted in , Travel at 5:40 am by Administrator
For July 4th, I drove up with my parents to jolly Beaufort, South Carolina. My older sister Ally, resides there with her husband, Pete. Pete’s job contract with the U.S. Marines is over and he had to rush down back to Florida, where a new job offer materialized. I had to help Ally clean the house, mow the lawn and pack things for their big move.
Beaufort (pop. 12.000) is a nice quaint town with landscapes that resemble a Thomas Kincaid portrait. The city was founded in the mid 1700s and several houses and streets are built in a colonial style. Some of these antebellum houses are valued at over a million dollars. There is also an abundance of creepy cemeteries. Beaufortians (not sure if that’s the right word), take pride in the area’s history: several of Pat Conroy’s novels are set there, and their subsequent movie versions has been filmed in the city.
Beaufort is located in a swampy area of coastal South Carolina, known as the low country. The infamous USMC base at Parris Island, immortalized in Full Metal Jacket is a stone’s throw away. Who knows how many young men have been driven to insanity by raving psychotic drill sergeants. A naval hospital and an air base are located nearby. Many military retirees choose to move there due to the scenic location, warm weather and conveniently located medical facilities. Locals prefer the flowing term “marsh” as opposed to “swamp”, which sounds too redneck (kind of like, “Billy Bob, tell mama I’m goin’ squirrel huntin in da swamp”). Of all the small towns located in the low country, Beaufort seems by far the most exclusive one. Classy Charleston is about 50 miles north.
Beaufort and the other small towns depend heavily on the presence of the military bases for their economic livelihood. If it weren’t for Parris Island, only 5 millionaire’s would keep their summer homes there. As you can imagine, the area is highly patriotic. For July 4th, most of the area’s residents head to Parris Island’s main marching square. The base gives out free hot dogs, burgers, cracker jacks and sodas. The fireworks are spectacular and last pretty long. Of course, since the whole town is there, you don’t only see the nice Stepford-type manicured families nor the young professionals. There are plenty trailer dwelling folks present, many with their camouflage jackets, hats, jorts, you name it. It is odd to see obese grandmas that can’t be older than 50, wearing jorts and strapless blouses which show off their wide array of tattoos. Likewise, their husbands are usually bald, obese, heavily bearded and tattooed men wearing Harley Davidson gear. After an hour or two, I could probably distinguish the different drawls like Ocala, Blue Ridge, Cajun, Appalachian hill-billy, Kentucky hee-haw, deep Mississippi delta and Texarkana. These are sights you don’t usually see in Miami, circus town if there ever was one.
Damn Billy Bob, she got nice tatas
Supposedly a redneck swing..and yes I saw plenty houses like that one.
“Cletus, I’ll call yall back later, I’ma takin a shit on the back porch”
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08.26.08
Posted in , Travel at 1:28 am by Administrator
The Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York is HUGE. It took me a painful 2 days to cover the whole entire place, mostly because I enjoy stopping and reading every description of the exhibition. Yes, I’m a nerd and I don’t give a fuck. I still can’t believe all the art the MET has; whole rooms with paintings of Van Gogh, Monet, Gaugin, Renoir; J.M.W. Turner had a whole section to himself. The museum had art crafts from every culture around and from every historical period. A whole ancient Egyptian temple that had been moved during the building of the Aswan Dam was brought to the MET. Fucking amazing.
I stayed in an Upper West Side hostel. Since I’m trying to be cheap and save money, I picked a mixed dorm-like room with seven other people; among my dorm-mates were a group of Frenchies, one dude who had recently left the army and was desperate to get laid and two Wisconsin girls who were interning for a Congressman in Washington D.C. Initially, the two seemed to be lezzies, but I started talking to one of them. She wore eyeglasses, had a Jackie O type haircut and nice natural squeezable boobs (I’m a sucker for girls with eyeglasses and nice boobs). Her friend seemed to hate me and sabotaged my chances. On the third day, I became friends with a Russian dude, Sergei. He was a big Bon Jovi fan and seemed pretty fond of American culture. Somehow I became Sergei’s guide in New York, even though I barely knew the city. Sergei told me to contact him if I ever visited St Petersburg. Hopefully, he has some hot Russian female friends.
“Hair” was being performed at the Delacorte Theater in Central Park. I tried to get tickets but it was impossible. Free tickets were given out at 1:00 PM on a first-come first-serve basis. I got there at 10:00 AM and the line had over 5000 people, some waiting since 6 in the morning. Now, I’m pissed I wasted my time trying to get tickets for “Hair” (I had to walk there and YES it was pretty long walk). Instead, I should have gone to the Natural History Musem. Later that day, I took a train to Elizabeth, New Jersey, to visit a buddy from high school. He hasn’t changed much physically in 10 years, but it was odd to see him married with a daughter. Through the train windows I saw a few toxic waste sites and abandoned warehouses. If I were a New Jerseyan (is that correct term?) I’d be pissed at my local officials for not cleaning up.
On the fifth day, I visited the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island. The ferries that go there get a little too overloaded for my comfort (Thank God I’m an expert swimmer). Both these monuments are so awe inspiring; after viewing the exhibitions inside the Statue of Liberty pedestal and Ellis Island I felt huge pride in seeing the historical values these monuments had and their significance for the new arrivals. It was getting emotional reading about the anguish faced by the immigrants, those tired, hungry masses yearning for freedom when suddenly the dam guards kicked us out. It was closing time and the last ferry was leaving. Talk about ruining my mood, oh well, atleast I saw the whole place.
The next time I go to New York, I need to take another train and explore Connecticutt and Long Island, checkout the Natural History Museum and a few Broadway plays. Also, I’ll either take some buddies so we can wreak havoc on New York’s nightclub scene or I’ll take whatever woman I’m dating. Central Park is pretty romantic ya know, especially in the Fall.
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08.12.08
Posted in , Travel at 4:30 am by Administrator
Last time I was in New York I was 11 years old. We just stopped shortly on our way to visit an aunt in Connecticutt. And since my parents are no fun, we didn’t do sightseeing. Well, last week I spent 5 glorious days in the big apple. I must admit that now I feel a bit dissapointed at Miami’s single line metrorail system when compared to New York’s gargantuan (if such word is appropriate) subway network. Oh yes, the dam subway in which I got lost several times. Well, I took the wrong line and ended in Brooklyn, Harlem or Queens a few times, but atleast not in Long Island or New Jersey.
I was advised to take the famous sightseeing bus with the annoying guides explaining everything. Being the urban adventurer that I am, I gave that idea the boot and instead I took the subway to a certain location and then did a bit of foot reconnaissance. Doing this, I got a better feel of the neighborhoods instead of on board a bus like if in a safari. I trekked across the Upper West and East Side, Tribeca, Soho, Chelsea and Greenwich Village. I missed Little Italy and Chinatown (next time). I noticed that Manhattan has many Asian-Americans and white Liberal Hipsters/ along with the other New York ethnic groups: Italian, Puerto Rican, African-American, Irish and Jewish. Mind you I couldn’t visit the other boroughs. My friend Joseph who is spending the summer in his native Brooklyn, disconnected his phone. He would have been a perfect guide. At press time, he still is up there. Joseph is always saying that women in New York are far friendlier than in Miami and are more open to his odd pick-up style.
On my first day in New York, I visited the Empire State Building. after reaching the 83rd or 89th floor platform, the bastards that work there says that we can go to 102nd floor for a small fee. Why didn’t they fucking tell us this info downstairs? Then I would have said “screw the 89th floor, I’m goin’ straight to 102nd”. Still the view was nice. Times Square was pretty cool. I’m still in shock that cars actually respect pedestrians and don’t try to kill you. By the way, Times Square is full of Chinese artists who charge only $5.00 for a black and white portrait. Talk about driving down the price and killing the competition. A $10.00 portrait is cheap as is. But $5.00 is simply too little. The other artists need to make a living too. But alas, that was one of the few cheap things in New York. Decent food was expensive. I survived mostly on hot dogs, pretzels, burgers and pizza slices. When I found a kind of cheap buffet on 34th street, I totally stuffed myself….I’ll tell you next article about the MET.
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